how to accept others' love
how to open myself
how to see things from the counterparty's perspective and angle
how to be more thankful
how to think the opposite
how to get rid of my prejudicial/old habitual thots
how to re-understand a person that you thot you know well or see the changes in him/her
how to be in the middle ground
how to express myself in a better way with better words
how to make others around me happy or not worry about me
how to make myself happy
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
damn
i'm feeling so tired yet i couldn't sleep...
i'm breathing yet i feel i'm suffocating...
my eyes are open yet my heart is blind...
my brain is working yet i can't understand myself at all...
the world is full of colors yet all i could see is black and white...
my body is moving yet i dunno what i'm doing...
i'm breathing yet i feel i'm suffocating...
my eyes are open yet my heart is blind...
my brain is working yet i can't understand myself at all...
the world is full of colors yet all i could see is black and white...
my body is moving yet i dunno what i'm doing...
Undo
quite a special and sad movie.
everyone of us develops some kinda unhealthy habits/behaviour or even mental problems when we are deficient in love. love could make a person live or die.
after watching the movie, i couldn't help thinking may be i'm tying myself and him with invisible knots. and as sick as Moemi, i might enjoy being tied up to some degree.
whilst Moemi could untie herself in the end, I dunno yet when and how i could do so...
everyone of us develops some kinda unhealthy habits/behaviour or even mental problems when we are deficient in love. love could make a person live or die.
after watching the movie, i couldn't help thinking may be i'm tying myself and him with invisible knots. and as sick as Moemi, i might enjoy being tied up to some degree.
whilst Moemi could untie herself in the end, I dunno yet when and how i could do so...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
又發作
又發作
點算好
其實都無好過...
when i heard that the 4th uncle's health deteriorates again these days and may not be able to make it this time, i feel very sad. however, a thot suddenly popped up in my mind - his spirit will not die, even tho his body will decay. i dunno if that is a stupid thot purely to comfort myself, but i always believe there is sth beyond our short period of stay here. otherwise, we are a bunch of hopeless and meaningless creatures.
life is short, yet i can't spend the limited days here with someone that i want so much to be with. doesn't it sound ironic?! and what's the difference of spending more or less days here in this case? after all, i never want to hang around here for that long, if i really had a choice. having said that, i know every day is a gift and i'll try my best to do my part, help others, make other people happier (even if i can't make myself happier).
geezzz, i really reckon that some gals are too emotionally attached to the yo master! TC is a nice person, but sometimes i'm not interested in what she said. like she'd be worried so much what she said/did might upset the master, or care so much what the master said/did, being envious of other gals, etc. ok, she said she is emotional and i am very rational, but still, i found some/most of the things she said about the master are so mo liu! sometimes i wonder if i'm too insensitive or cold..there were times that i simply didn't how to respond to her as i couldn't share any of her feelings, may be she felt like talking to a stone at those moments aha. the interesting thing to me is that even gals so 'educated' and supposed to be 'mature' could act like this -_-
點算好
其實都無好過...
when i heard that the 4th uncle's health deteriorates again these days and may not be able to make it this time, i feel very sad. however, a thot suddenly popped up in my mind - his spirit will not die, even tho his body will decay. i dunno if that is a stupid thot purely to comfort myself, but i always believe there is sth beyond our short period of stay here. otherwise, we are a bunch of hopeless and meaningless creatures.
life is short, yet i can't spend the limited days here with someone that i want so much to be with. doesn't it sound ironic?! and what's the difference of spending more or less days here in this case? after all, i never want to hang around here for that long, if i really had a choice. having said that, i know every day is a gift and i'll try my best to do my part, help others, make other people happier (even if i can't make myself happier).
geezzz, i really reckon that some gals are too emotionally attached to the yo master! TC is a nice person, but sometimes i'm not interested in what she said. like she'd be worried so much what she said/did might upset the master, or care so much what the master said/did, being envious of other gals, etc. ok, she said she is emotional and i am very rational, but still, i found some/most of the things she said about the master are so mo liu! sometimes i wonder if i'm too insensitive or cold..there were times that i simply didn't how to respond to her as i couldn't share any of her feelings, may be she felt like talking to a stone at those moments aha. the interesting thing to me is that even gals so 'educated' and supposed to be 'mature' could act like this -_-
Rainy Days and Mondays
Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Friday, June 26, 2009
4 weeks have passed
haven't seen him for 4 weeks, yet i wonder for how long i've been staying away from him mentally in these past few weeks aha. i think i get used to this now. no need to struggle anymore, i simply allow my mind, my emotions and my heart to fly to wherever i like. struggle only creates more confusion, tiredness and duplicity. therefore, i am accepting the whole of myself instead.
got a touching email from a friend today. actually, the thing she mentioned in the email is a tough and sad experience. however, i found it touching coz even though we haven't contacted for long, she is still willing to share her deep thoughts and feelings with me. another reason is that she is experiencing a miracle from her trusted God. i could feel her happiness and she is eager to share the love of God. Yes, i do believe miracles are around us, depending on whether we are aware of them or not. hope one day i could find god and have that ultimate happiness and peace as well.
in today's yoga practice, samrat wanted us to try acro yoga. it's fun, but it's too difficult! like 'sa zarb gei'!! i prefer to do the normal yoga demonstration. thing is we are running out of time and it's no good to fall on the stage! anyways, will see...
got a touching email from a friend today. actually, the thing she mentioned in the email is a tough and sad experience. however, i found it touching coz even though we haven't contacted for long, she is still willing to share her deep thoughts and feelings with me. another reason is that she is experiencing a miracle from her trusted God. i could feel her happiness and she is eager to share the love of God. Yes, i do believe miracles are around us, depending on whether we are aware of them or not. hope one day i could find god and have that ultimate happiness and peace as well.
in today's yoga practice, samrat wanted us to try acro yoga. it's fun, but it's too difficult! like 'sa zarb gei'!! i prefer to do the normal yoga demonstration. thing is we are running out of time and it's no good to fall on the stage! anyways, will see...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
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